Since he left, I’ve made a great effort to separate my work world (“Hey, how are you?”) from my home life (“Yeah, I saw that jerk again today”). I’ve done a masterful job of compartmentalizing and not “feeling” the frustration I have with my employers for putting him in this position, and with him for letting this happen. Thank goodness I’ve managed to continue to work mostly from home.

I’ve pretty much moved on personally, but professionally I still struggle to work honestly and openly with certain supervisors, or to even look directly at the snake who took his job. Do you have any advice? I’ve worked here for 25 years and have a position of influence and authority. But I regularly think about retiring just to not have to see those people again.

Work Advice: My company rejected my partner. Was I wrong to call out HR?

Karla: You shouldn’t let your husband’s misfortune poison your well.

If your husband’s experience opened your eyes to corruption or decline at your workplace, and now you can’t in good conscience continue supporting that business, leaving would make sense. If your leaving the company would send a clear message and possibly cause a needed shake-up, that would be a noble move. Or if you’re on the cusp of retiring anyway, and the benefits of sticking around are too few to compensate for having to spend your days interacting with people you despise, you might as well pull the rip cord.

What all those circumstances have in common is that they’re not about your husband. They’re about fighting for a larger principle, or deciding how you will spend your valuable time and effort.

Otherwise, I’m not sure you’re compartmentalizing quite as well as you think. You haven’t interfered or crossed any boundaries at work, but your internal boundaries could use some protecting.

Ordinarily, when we come home and grouse to a spouse about jerks at work, it’s harmless venting. Our spouses can listen and sympathize without taking on our emotions because they have no stake in the matter beyond being supportive. But in your case, you’re talking about people your husband also knows and has reason to dislike, which means you’re at risk of feeding off and stoking each other’s resentment. Instead of dissipating your bad feelings, you could be churning them up, making your workdays with these people even harder on you.

Also, when you’re working from home, you’re meeting with them while sitting in the home you share with the person they hurt. Much as I hate commuting, there’s something to be said for the transition between work and home to let the heat die down on your feelings. Maybe you could create that distance with a walk or workout or running errands after work, perhaps finding someone besides your husband to tell about your snake sightings.

It’s also not clear from your letter how long your husband was with the company and how long ago his departure happened. If it’s fairly recent, you’re probably still feeling raw about it, and that’s not the best time to make a big decision.

Overall, I’m not sure torpedoing your job in solidarity is the best thing for you or your marriage. If walking away from your job now means falling short of a milestone that could fund a more comfortable retirement, or giving up your own sense of self-reliance and purpose, that will harm you both. If you dislike these people enough on their own merits to leave because of them, you have that right; if you throw in the towel on 25 years before thinking it through, you could end up resenting your husband.

Work Advice: Boss has his spouse handle work better left to experts

Yes, marriage is a commitment to bind your fortunes to one another and have each other’s back. Depending on how much he contributed to the problems that led to his being nudged out of your company, I could argue that your husband failed to have your back first by not treading more carefully at the company where you spent decades building your career.

And if he’s egging you on to leave, too, that’s all the more reason to take your time and make your own call. He may have every right to feel angry and mistreated, but his feelings can’t dictate your actions.

Life’s too short to subject yourself to people you can’t stand. But they may be equally wary and uncomfortable around you, knowing that you know how they treated your spouse. If you don’t think they’re likely to try to sabotage you next, you might derive some small satisfaction from knowing your continued calm presence makes them squirm.